were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
