i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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