u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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