This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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