i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
