I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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