I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
