I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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