What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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