i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
