Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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