that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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