so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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