Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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