Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
