My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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