i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
