Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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