I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize