If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So much rum. So many feels.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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