sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
