a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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