I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
