Plan B is the new Plan A
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
