So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
