I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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