your thong is hanging out like whoa
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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