Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
