is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
