perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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