u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
