yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
