So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The chlamydia really affected his face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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