At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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