There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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