idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
