I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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