she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize