It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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