Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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