im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
