first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
nutella sex= disaster
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
