maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this beer tastes like vomit already
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
