I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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