She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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