i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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