I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think people are normalizing furries
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
