if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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