just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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