drunk tastebuds have low standards.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
