OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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