hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
