the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
