I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
