literally had 100 drinks last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
