I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
