i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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