before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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