Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
