I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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