ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
