Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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