how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
