he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
