So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
