9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
