Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we're so committed to being not committed
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