we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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