how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
