was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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