who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
