my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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