WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
