everyone is single if you try hard enough
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
