wanna go halves on a baby?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
