Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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