she was so not down for the gang bang
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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