My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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