ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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