We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
