Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
this boner is exhausting
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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