she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
