fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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