someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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