Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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