I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
