i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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