remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
