I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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